Marcus and Andrea: An Ice Climber Tale
by kaoshurrikane94
Summary: A pimp gets in trouble with authorities based on a previous matter with another prostitute. He, along with his latest girl Andrea, set a course for distant planet Onett. Rated T for language and mild sexual references. Changed to a G-rated title.
1. Chapter 1: New Digs

Episode 1: New Digs

Andrea: Hey, Mr. Marcus, where are we goin'?

Marcus: Onett. It's this planet far out of the reaches of this solar system

Andrea: Oh...Well, how are we gonna get there?

Marcus: I know a guy..alright?

Andrea: Ok...um..what are we gonna do when we get there?

Marcus: Ok, look! You are not here to ask questions, you are my hoe. That's it. You perform entertaining sexual acts at my will. You don't have a say in my life. I have a say in yours. Deal with it. You knew that when you took this job.

Andrea: It was the only one left in the classifieds!

Marcus: Don't give me excuses either! I don't really wanna hear it, alright? Just walk with me and look slutty. That's your job.

Andrea: Well, what's your job?

Marcus: I...what?

Andrea: What do you do? You just own me? Don't you have some sort of actual work?

Marcus: Well I have the annual paperwork..Oh! and that court case last year...I seriously didn't think the authorities would notice one dead prostitute.

Andrea: What?

Marcus: I know right? Just one. ONE! And they_ still _made a big deal about it! As if she counted as part of society...

Andrea: How did she die?

Marcus: Natural causes... she naturally pissed me off, which caused me to hit her with a car.

Andrea: Oh my god...

Marcus: Yeah..and I guess that's frowned upon in society, so we're headed to another planet. That's the only option.

Andrea: We could always back to the Arctic..

Marcus: No way, I left that place for a reason..

Andrea: Because you wanted change in your life?

Marcus: That, and because I was tired of having frozen sweat icicles on my scrotum..

Andrea: Er..ok

Marcus: So i'm heading off to a truly new land, and I need entertainment along the way..so what better entertainment than a slave? Man, those Confederates knew how to live!

Andrea: So I'm just an object for you along the way? For entertainment, not affection?

Marcus: Yep.

Andrea: Like that movie "Leaving Las Vegas"?

Marcus: Depends..Did that movie contain alot of sodomy?

Andrea: Um...I don't think so.

Marcus: Then, no not at all...

Andrea: ...(gulp)

END


	2. Chapter 2: She's Got Issues

Episode 2: She's Got Issues

Marcus: So, while we're on this long journey, I might as well ask..what made you want to be a prostitute?

Andrea: Urm...why do you wanna know?

Marcus: I'm just curious is all..now answer me!

Andrea: I didn't think you cared about me..like that.

Marcus: It's a simple goddamn question, don't make anything more out of it. Why must you make everything difficult!

Andrea: I'm...I'm sorry.

Marcus: Just forget it..Forget I said anything..It's not even important.

Andrea: Ok..

Marcus: That's what I get for trying to "mingle" with workers..

Andrea: ...I lost my family.

Marcus: "turns around and looks at her, shocked"...What?

Andrea: My family...they're gone..

Marcus: What happened?

Andrea: Well, it was just an ordinary night, like any other, and we..my mom, dad, and little brother..we were about to have dinner..soup, like usual.. and, I...the house.."starts crying"

Marcus: What, what was it?

Andrea: A fire..I don't know what or how, but it engulfed our house..I got out of there, but..."cries even more"

Marcus: ...Wow..

Andrea: "sniffle"

Marcus: I mean wow..A fire..in the _Arctic_? What are the odds? Man!

Andrea: "glares at Marcus" ...

Marcus: Oh, uh, I'm sorry..It's just..uh..so how did it happen?

Andrea: "wipes away her tears" ...Like I said, I don't know what happened to them, or the house...but I ran away..It wasn't safe there..I knew that much...I had to make money..for a plane ticket..I couldn't think of any other way...

Marcus: And now here you are..

Andrea: Pretty much, yeah..

Marcus: So, why are you still doing it?..

Andrea: Well, you know..old habits die hard..

Marcus: "turns back around and starts walking" Ain't that the truth..."sigh"..

END


	3. Chapter 3: The Doctor Is Insane!

Episode 3: The Doctor Is In(sane)!

Andrea: Hey, so who is this guy?

Marcus: Hmm?

Andrea: The guy you said you know..who's gonna help us get to that planet..

Marcus: Oh, yes. Him.

Andrea: Well?

Marcus: What? You expect me to tell you everything?

Andrea: Well..I did..

Marcus: I..."sigh" shit.. Fine, ok... His name is Cornelius Redwood.

Andrea: Huh..strange name.

Marcus: Yeah, he was always strange...I'm not even sure if that_ is _his real name..

Andrea: Hmm..

Marcus: But he's definitely a weird one... he'd always make weapons and gadgets out of household items, until one had won a grand prize at some competition a few years back, which gave him the money he needed to do it professionally. Of course that didn't make him any less crazy..if anything it made him more crazy. At that point the perfectionist in him came out..he would test his weapons on any and all living creatures around him..even going so far as to pull one of them on me.."For the good of science" he said! Pfft..science can kiss my ass...but we still would talk after that. It was just one incident, I can't fault him for that, can I?

Andrea: Yeah..you can..

Marcus: Really?

Andrea: Well, I sure as hell would. He is a danger to society, and the wellbeing of others, why would you even associate yourself with him..y'know..being a pimp, not a rocket scientist..

Marcus: Funny thing is, I have the IQ to do just that..my grades were top-notch, every class, every year. But I threw it all away..for..for thrills..

Andrea: ...Wow.

Marcus: "sigh"

Andrea: I mean I'm a whore because i lost everything, and fell into a dark habit, but you're a pimp..because you were lazy?

Marcus: ...Excuse me?

Andrea: Well, that's what you said, right?

Marcus: Maybe so, but..

Andrea: Well, I think that's pathetic!

Marcus: Hey, watch your tone!

Andrea: I..."sigh" yessir.

Marcus: Good..now then, about Dr. Redwood..I met him in college, where I was going to be an astronomer..which as you can now tell..didn't pan out so well..but we became good friends..I would help work out the kinks in his odd little inventions..well the ones that could be worked out, considering that the result was usually a hodgepodge of random shit he found in his storage room. I'm not even sure what some of them did. But, I found out recently that he's finished this space-pod. It can take a person or persons through space, no sweat..or so he said...I trust him. I guess.. I mean fuck it, I kinda have to!

Andrea: "frightened" I dont think I do..

Marcus: Say what?

Andrea: I'm afraid of this guy already, and I haven't even met him yet! And his space-craft? What is it made out of, just 2x4s and..and bubble gum?

Marcus: Ha..of course not...

Andrea: ..Are you sure?

Marcus: Duh..you can't fly a spacecraft made of 2x4s and bubble gum!

Andrea: Hehe, right..."chuckles"

Marcus: You need an engine too!

Andrea: "wide eyed" Uh...

END


	4. Chapter 4: Why Don't You Get a Job?

Episode 4: Why Don't You Get a (Real) Job?

Marcus: "getting tired" Oh, man..It feels like it's been much longer than usual when I go to Redwood's place..

Andrea: Is it because of me?

Marcus: No, it's probably because I'm walking this time..

Andrea: ...Hey Marcus, did uh..did you ever have a...a real job?

Marcus: This. I've got this. It's a job.

Andrea: Yeah, but I mean, an honest day's work type job. Just a simple job. The kind of thing that kindergarten children aspire to be, like a fireman or a policeman.

Marcus: Well, I've stopped fires, but they're the ones I started..

Andrea: How did you start a fire?

Marcus: You ever heard that whole Richard Pryor "crack smoking incident" bit?

Andrea: Yeah?

Marcus: Bout like that.

Andrea: ..Oh.

Marcus: And police work? Not in a million years..what a corrupt fuckin' industry!

Andrea: Not to be a hypocrit..considering what..well what I am..but if they are corrupt..what are you?

Marcus: Me? I'm just another guy..sure I have money, and work in what people would like to say is a lucrative business..like everyone else on this big rock in the sky, I'm just a blip on the screen. Everyone has their own chance, I lost mine along time ago..I built myself up, and swept myself away..and that mistake is not reversable..

Andrea: ...Yeah..tell me about it.

Marcus: What do you mean?

Andrea: It's nothing..nevermind.

Marcus: I wish I had the ability to go back, and stop myself..to become something real..whatever exactly that is. I mean, what is real?

Andrea: I dunno. I wonder that very same thing sometime..

Marcus: I've been told real is what you become in the long run...pfft, last time I buy that shit..

Andrea: ...Uh..so how much longer now?

Marcus: About...ugh, shit!...way too fuckin' long..y'know what? Let's take a break..It's getting dark..we'll camp out for the night..come on!

Andrea: Ok.

Marcus: "thinking" Man, this is really not turning out the way I thought It would. Life. What a bitch it is. Eh, fuck it. I'll rough it all night, all week, all month if I have to. I can't take this place anymore...

END


	5. Chapter 5: The Lady, The Tramp?

Episode 5: Lady and the Tramp (Are the Same Thing in This Case)

Marcus: Brr...it's pretty cold out here..heh...you'd think after all the years in the arctic, I'd be used to such weather.. and this isn't even close to that..I guess I really have lost my familiarity to home..I lost the bond to the Arctic. I lost the understanding that I felt I had of a place most people never did..It was more to me..but I lost it. Therefore, I guess I lost myself...wait..what the fuck am I talking about?

Andrea: Well, I think..

Marcus: This is not time to think...not for you anyway. We may have had a nice chat..you're certainly the nicest girl I've ever met..working girl or otherwise..the question is..do you have your work cut out for you?

Andrea: Uh...what do you mean, Marcus?

Marcus: You know what I mean. You've been doing this enough..don't play dumb with me. I don't buy that shit.

Andrea: Marcus..I thought we were getting along so well...what's happening to you?

Marcus: Damn it, Andrea! I don't like this, and neither do you. But this is life..I said some shit back there to you.. and I probably shouldn't have said nothin' in retrospect..it's got to be this goddamn harsh icy weather..the world..really is FUCKING WITH ME!

Andrea: Calm down, Marcus. It's going to be fine. We'll get to Dr. Redwood and go away..to Onett. And..we'll..we'll..

Marcus: We'll what?

Andrea: We'll be... happy?

Marcus: Happy? I don't think I'll ever be happy again...

Andrea: Huh?

Marcus: ...and trust me..If I'm not, you're not..

Andrea: What, so you just wanna drag me down? As if I could fall any further at this point..

Marcus: No..that's not what I meant! I.. life has hit me like a ton of bricks a hundred times...this world has ripped me a new one so many times I lost count! That kind of anguish tends to spread...'sigh" remember when I said you knew what you were in for when you took this job..

Andrea: Yeah?

Marcus: I think I lied...

Andrea: Um...Marcus?

Marcus: Alright, enough talk...get over here...time for this fuckin' tedious trip to pay off at last..

Andrea: "surprised" Uh...um..ok.. "walks over to Marcus"

Marcus: "smirks" Alright, you know what to do..

Andrea: Um...right.. "starts to undress"

Marcus: Mmmm...

Andrea: "looks very sad and ashamed"

Marcus: "sees her face" "loses his smile" ..."sigh"...fuck...

Andrea: "looks at him" Uh?

Marcus: Don't..

Andrea: What? What do you-

Marcus: Just stop..stop and sit down..

Andrea: I don't...I don't understand.

Marcus: I can't do this...you're a human being ...and I'm treating you like an animal..you deserve better...but me...I can't even.. "clenches his fists"

Andrea: Um..

Marcus: I can't even say anything "real"...without renouncing it..without...blaming it on the fucking WEATHER!...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME, ANDREA?

Andrea: Um...

Marcus: Oh, God!... "buries his face in his hands"

Andrea: Mr...Mr. Marcus..I think...the real you..is not..always what you say..or how you live..

Marcus: "looks up" Huh? What?

Andrea: Yeah..I think..the real you..is how you think..what you really truly believe..

Marcus: Huh...

Andrea: And, you told me all of what ... of what you believe today..and I know who you are...maybe more than you do..

Marcus: Hmm..

Andrea: You see, Marcus, I think what you are is what you thought you couldn't ever be..the true nightmare deep in every person's mind..it's every one of of ten people, who end up living that way too though..but it's not real...the real is still there... we just have to find it..

Marcus: "looks at Andrea and smiles.." Thanks, Andrea.

Andrea: "Smiles"

Marcus: Well, we should get some sleep..

Andrea: Ok, goodnight.. "turns around and lays down"

Marcus: Hey, Andrea..

Andrea: Yeah?

Marcus: "sighs, then laughs" We are one fucked up two outta twenty aren't we?

Andrea: "smles" ...Not for long I hope..

END


	6. Chapter 6: Here Comes The Sun

Episode 6: Here Comes The Sun

Marcus: No, not Saw VI...NO...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO "wakes up" Ahh, oh God..whew..only a dream..

Andrea: No...no, not Saw II...no...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO "wakes up" Uh..oh..ahh...just a dream.

Marcus: What the hell?

Andrea: Sorry I was just dream-talking..

Marcus: No I mean..you didn't like Saw II...the hell is wrong with you?

Andrea: Um..

Marcus: Nevermind that..so uh, y'know, we're pretty close to Redwood's now!

Andrea: Oh, great! But..I'm kinda hungry..

Marcus: ..Yeah I know what you mean.

Andrea: Do you have any food?

Marcus: What? In my parka? No..

Andrea: Damn it..well..

Marcus: We'll just eat at Redwood's place..I'm sure he's got something..

Andrea: Oh, no fuck that! I'm not eating at that maniac's place.

Marcus: What? It's food..it's not like it's any different than regular food...what do you think he's got dead bodies in his refrigerator for feasting on during the midnight hour?

Andrea: Well, I wasn't thinking that, but now I am..

Marcus: Hrmm...well..I don't know..I guess we gotta rough it.

Andrea: Come on, there's gotta be a fruit tree or something near by!

Marcus: ...Maybe so..

Andrea: Or maybe we could head to a restaurant..there's got to be one near by..

Marcus: Huhm..." looks out" Hey look! An Olive Garden..

Andrea: I might be hungry, but I'm not desperate..

Marcus: Well, fuck this then. Let's just go..

Andrea: Ok then..

[A bit later]

Marcus: Whew...been a long journey..but it's about to pay off..

Andrea: Huh? Are we almost there?

Marcus: Yep... just one big hill to climb..

Andrea: Oh..I hate climbing..

Marcus: Really..you lived in the Arctic your whole childhood life, and never got used to climbing..y'know, mountians and whatnot...a hill should be no sweat..

Andrea: Except I left the Arctic..

Marcus: Yeah but..wait..how old did you say you were when that happened?

Andrea: Er..I didn't exactly..

Marcus: Well?

Andrea: I..I think I was..like 17?

Marcus: You think? How can you not remember? Seems to me you wouldn't be able to forget such an event..

Andrea: Yeah..well..

Marcus: Eh..anyway..we're almost there..just a hop and a skip away, so to speak..

Andrea: Y'know, this has been nice... I never thought I'd have a friend..well..ever.

Marcus: Really...you've..never had a friend?

Andrea: Well..besides..uh..my little brother..but..well you know what happened.

Marcus: RIght..I'm sorry about that.

Andrea: It's fine... shit happens I guess.. and I gotta just roll with it. It's why I'm still alive. Cuz I feel like I own my destiny..

Marcus: Well, by the job and lifestyle..you sure don't show it.

Andrea: I don't have to show it...I just know it!

Marcus: Y'know you're right..but I just wonder..what is your dream? What life did you not fulfill..

Andrea: Uh..well.. it's kinda hard to explain.

Marcus: Really, why?

Andrea: Erm..

Marcus: Hold that thought, Andrea! We're finally here! Thank the fucking stars, we made it.. "walks up to the door, tries to turn the knob"...oh what..FUCK!...

Andrea: What's the problem?

Marcus: Locked..just my luck, he left to go do something..now I remember why I stopped hanging with this dude..well aside from the pimping..he would always shove me out of the way to work on his next big business oppurtunity...he's not right in the head at all, and I guess that's what they're looking for..

Andrea: So..what do we do?

Marcus: We wait...

"awkward silence"

Marcus: So...seriously..._A FUCKIN' FIRE IN THE ARCTIC?_

Andrea: This is gonna be a long day...

END


End file.
